BC FAMILY LAW AND CHILD CUSTODY –
PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME 2009 DEVELOPMENTS
There have been a number of recent cases involving
changing custody with the intention of preventing a child of separated
parents from becoming alienated from one of their parents. The most recent of these situations involved an Ontario Supreme Court decision in January of 2009.
What criteria should you look for to determine if parental alienation syndrome – “PAS” – is occurring with your child? The
following are factors identified by Robert Gardner, the psychologist
who coined the term, and summarized in an article by Dr. Reena Sommer,
should raise alarm bells:
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The alienating parent speaks badly or demeans the targeted parent directly to the children.
These
disparaging comments made by the alienating parent to their children
about the targeted parent can be implicit (“I am not sure I will be
able to afford to send you to camp because “Mom” or “Dad” does not
realize how much you enjoy it,”) or explicit (“Mom/Dad” left us because
he/she never cared enough about you to keep our family together”).
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The
alienating parent speaks badly or demeans the targeted parent to others
in the presence (or within audible distance) of the children.
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The
alienating parent discusses with the children the circumstances under
which the marriage broke down and blames the targeted parent for its
failure.
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The
alienating parent exposes the children to the details of the parents'
ongoing conflict, financial problems and legal proceedings.
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The
alienating parent blames the targeted parent for changes in lifestyle,
any current hardships, his/her negative emotional state, and inability
to function as before and conveys this to the children.
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Allegations of sexual, physical and emotional abuse of children are often made.
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Alienated children come to know that in order to please the alienating parent, they must turn against the targeted parent.
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The writer’s
experience in BC, backed up by most psychologists who deal with this
problem, is that PAS does not get better on its own and, invariably,
time is always on the side of the alienating parent.
Immediate action needs to be taken and options to
stop or, failing that, to at least curb or minimize the destruction
could include:
1. Increasing
the child’s time with the non-alienating or “friendly parent” under the
principle of giving custody to the parent who will encourage rather
than discourage maximum contact with the other parent. I routinely ask for at least a 50/50 shared custody arrangement with restrictions on parents speaking ill of the other.
2. Removing
custody of the child from their alienating parent and giving sole
custody to the other just as what happened in an Ontario Court decision
involving a mother who provoked fights and called the police, who made
false allegations of sexual abuse against the father, and who
consistently bad mouthed the father.
3. Barring contact with the child by the alienating parent unless it’s in a therapeutic setting.
4. Fining a parent who has purposefully been alienated a child from the other parent.
5. Requiring the children attend counseling with a competent therapist who
specializes in reintegration.
If you feel you are a victim of PAS or that you
see warning signs that such behaviour is being directed at your child,
call us immediately.
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